People. Just like you and me. Or are they? We can't live with them and we can't live without them. We need them and they need us. In any business or organisation, getting on well with people is essential. That includes our bosses, peers, staff, customers, clients, sponsors. If we don't get the relationships right then we won't be successful.
If you only remember two points from this article, make it these two. Firstly, people are not all the same. That may sound obvious, but we tend to assume everyone thinks the way we do. Not so. Secondly, despite what your Mum may have told you, don't treat people as you would like to be treated. Treat them as they want to be treated. Very simple to understand but more difficult to put into practice.
What is important to you?
It all comes down to values and preferences. We generally believe that our own values are the most important and so everyone else is bound to have the same values as we do. Take me, for example. I'd say my values are honesty, integrity, professionalism, and having fun. They sound pretty good to me, and I can base my whole lifestyle around them. But if I think that everyone I meet is going to be honest, professional and fun then I am in for some big surprises, and not all pleasant.
As a business coach, one of the first things I establish are the values of my clients. You'd be amazed at the variety of responses I get. Technology, risk-taking, winning at all costs, being famous, to list just a few. But until we get to know a person's values we can never really understand what makes them who they are. This makes it difficult to form a strong relationship and we may be continually surprised by their reactions and behaviour. "There's nowt so queer as folk", as the old Northern saying goes. Well that's because some folk have different values to ours.
Personalities and preferences
In addition to having different values, of course we have different personality types. Most people know about the differences between extroverts and introverts but there is a whole industry selling us tools to identify personality types in a much more sophisticated way. You may have heard about the Myers Briggs indicators or the Belbin personality types, or NLP (neuro-linguistic programming). Many of these systems are used in recruitment or sales. They could be regarded as manipulative - studying someone's personality so that we can influence them or use them in some way. This may be true in some cases but it is important for all of us to understand that our personality drives our preferences and the way we behave. Our preferences shape how we want to live. Being aware of someone's preferences will help us to understand their needs. Vital when dealing with clients and customers.
Building Terrific Teams
Understanding the differences in people is crucial if we want to build good relationships. This is equally important when working in teams. The most effective teams have a good blend of different personalities. As a manager, one of the worst mistakes you can make when building a team is to recruit people just like you. It may be nice and cosy to have everyone agree with us all the time, but having people who have a wide range of skills, experiences and preferences provides so many more options for creativity and success. Of course it is vital to play to the strengths of the individual. Don't delegate a job with a clear deadline to someone who never finishes anything. Don't expect spontaneity from someone who prefers to plan everything in advance. Build a team which includes creative people, planners/organisers and completer/finishers and you have most bases covered.
How Do You Learn
Remember, also, that preferences affect learning styles If you are a trainer not everyone will respond in the same way to your training style and you may want to offer a selection of styles and options. Time for another truism. Most women, we are led to believe, prefer to read the manual before using a new piece of technology such as a DVD player. In the same situation men, we are told, would just get it out of the box, connect it up and then swap the cables around and press all the buttons until something happens. Always works for me, I have to say, but it drives my wife crazy. However, it illustrates the point that people will approach the same problem in different ways.
The Really Important Stuff
Remember those two points - people have different values and preferences and if you want to form good relationships with them treat them as they want to be treated.
So, how do you work out their values and find out how they want to be treated? Well, you could start by having a conversation with them. As in talking and listening. Another truism to end with: The art of conversation is dead. Well it's time to bring it back to life. Email doesn't count. In fact email is one of the killers of conversation. And don't get me started on texting. Or shd tht b txtg?
Next time I will continue with this theme and give you my thoughts on two very powerful techniques for building strong relationships. Firstly, the importance of listening and how to really listen - that means not thinking about what we will say next while the other person is speaking.. Secondly, feedback - actively seeking comments about how our words and actions are affecting others. To practice what I preach, do let me know what you think about this article - what you liked, didn't like, what I could do better or differently. All comments welcome. Yes, even the negative ones.
Want to know more?
If you'd like more information about this or any other coaching issue just email me at:
contact@chriswilkie.co.uk